It Started
I guess my story, has to begin with birth, yes that far back
I would say.  I was born to a very young, very inexperienced
alcoholic and drug addicted mother and father.  My mother
came from an abusive family as did my father, both of them
had been abused while growing up in one form of abuse or
My mother already had a son when she met my father my aunt,
whom you will learn more about later introduced them and my
parents were immensly attracted to one another, I wonder why?
Yes, both my parents were and still are very nice looking people
but I think the old saying, "the sick attract the sick" held true
upon them meeting.  Neither wanted a child nor did they need a
child at that point in thier lives, they continued to use and abuse
alcohol and drugs through out the pregnancy, they fought
constantly (no i dont remember it lol) but I have heard all about
it.  When my mother was about 8 months along, her and my
father got into an arguement and it turned physical, she hit him
or something like that and my father in turn hit her right back
the fight escelated rapidly from there and my father kicked my
mother in the stomach and she went into labor.  I was born a few
hours later at 11:50 p.m.  I was born addicted to alcohol and to
numerous other drugs and to me that was the first abuse that I
suffered.  I apparently got collic when I was a few months
old and they couldn't get me to shut up, so my mother decided to
put whiskey in my bottle and blow pot smoke in my face to get
me to go to sleep.  My mother and father seperated upon numerous
occasions but they managed to have 3 more children after me and
of course my older brother whom I have already mentioned
On one of the occasions that my parents were split-up my mom
started dating another man, we lived with my grandmother my
mothers mom in a cramped 3 bedroom house with all 5 of us kids
2 of my cousins, my grandmother, mom, her boyfriend, & my aunt &
a uncle.  One night my mother and her friend were in the living room
messing around on the couch, I guess I was about 2 1/2 and I came
into the licing room to tell her something and of course at that age
I didn't know what was going on there (not yet anyways).  I remember
my mother picking me up yelling at me, it scared me so I started
crying for my daddy, well that seemed to infuriate her even more, so
she took me down the hallway and locked me into a closet that was
no bigger than a porta-potty if that big.  I was terrified, I heard
my mother and her friend in there laughing at my terror and my screams.
Finally, I quit crying only to hear them having sex, my screams & cries
didn't even "ruin the mood."  I learned then to stay away from her when
she was with a boyfriend so I rarely saw her. Although today I can
be around my grandmother, (although not often or for long) at one
point in time I wouldn't be around her much either. I can't even
begin to count all the times, my and my older brother and baby brother
who is 1 yr younger than I, would get into the neighbors trash cans
to get something to eat, as grandma would keep the food locked up in
the house so that we kids wouldn't eat grandpas food. Sick sick
people lived in that house, sleeping was great cause then I could
escape from the nightmare that to me was my life.  I must have
thought it can't get any worse than this, I don't remember if I did
or not, but I must have thought that even at such a young age.
I could not of ever imagined that my life was going to get drasticaly
worse very soon and with that new terror on the horizon my life
would be even more scarred than it already was.
I will end this page here, as I must take a break from my
writing to meditate and pray for the courage to write on.  This
isn't an easy thing to do by no means the scariest thing I have
ever done in my entire life though everything I have seen, done and
been through the one that terrified me the most was looking within
myself. Please read on or come back and read the rest of Narisahs